Crash diets and mood swings

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed how the tone of my posts swing between self-affirmation and self-loathing?

The weird thing about stream-of-consciousness blogging is when you review your posts, you'd think some stranger had possessed you when you wrote them. All that poisonous negativity couldn't have come from me! But surprise, surprise--it did! Ditto with all the the cheese and mush, and the boring stuff about the silly books you read and your budget vacations with your geeky family.

So why do I inflict this incoherent internal monologue on lost surfers who get washed up on this corner of the Web? Because I don't care about them. And about you voyeurs who like to read this sort of thing. I don't care for my readers, or if I have any at all. I only care about typing fast enough to catch my thoughts and freeze them here. I only care about saying things like they are, and not having to edit.

I hate editing myself. But I do it daily, just to survive among people. The world of people is not really my element, but I can find my way in it. It's like being Vulcan among humans. Oh wait, I suppose that made me sound like a nerd? *Self-conscious alert! Stop that thought before you start caring!*

There is some kind of comfort in being able to express my thoughts to someone, but to no one in particular. Makes me feel like I'm in the bathroom arguing with myself about the merits of Tea Tree feminine wash. Or in the cab looking out the window and mouthing lyrics to a song playing on my iPod. Like it were my own song. But I don't really have any of my own. I'd like to, though. *Digression alert!*

Ignoring the alert. This is my blog. I'm free to digress. But I'm tired of keeping up with my thoughts. I might as well end this here and watch Fringe. Yeah, I'll do that.

I am one of those stupid people I hate

And I'm a loser, too. Yup, I'm wearing the Cory sign across my forehead.

I signed up with a local gym today. It's the one close to my office with a branch near my home. It set me back four grand, and will continue to set me back two grand every month starting Feb. All for what? So some loser PT (who most likely failed to snag a job abroad so he's stuck here with people like me) can punish me for not being skinny enough. So I'd see how big a loser I am (in all sense of the term) when I see the thin winners doing the treadmills. So I'd feel guilty later on when I lose the motivation to exercise, which I most likely will.

What's wrong with just running around the helipad behind the Math Bldg.? Why did I have to take this giant step?

Oh well, the die is cast. What's done is done. I'll cross the bridge when I get there. Cliches, cliches. I'm a cliche.

I want to join that 'I hate stupid people' group on FB

Because I do hate them. They make me waste my time composing nice emails, so I don't hurt their feelings. They make me bend over to be diplomatic, so I won't be mean. They make me bite my tongue, so I don't say nasty things to them--and about them, even to others who hate them as much as I do.

They push their luck. They test my limits. But they won't win. I won't budge. They won't get the better of me. I am immovable. I am in control of my reaction to adversaries. I focus on the positive, on progress, on winners. Negative, regressive losers won't get a moment of my time.

I know who I am. And they don't stand against me.

Back to regular programming

After last night's mega-self-affirmation, which turned to be a very good exercise for the soul because I went to bed feeling thankful that I'm, uhm, a good person--surprise, surprise--I'm back to my old self-loathing self.

I hate this old procrastinating loser who can't keep her promises. When she does, it's always late.

I hate how inconsistent she is--wanting to eat only vegetables one day, and pigging out on bloody meat the next.

I hate that she's a pushover--always bending over to accommodate other people's immaturity, lack of professionalism, or plain selfishness.

I hate that she's not aggressive enough to put people in their rightful places.

I hate that she tends to edit her thoughts faster than her fingers can type.

I hate, I hate, I hate.

There... welcome back old self!

It's all about character

You know those days when you feel you're the worst person around, that you don't deserve the good things that the Universe throws your way?

Well, today was one of those rare days that I didn't feel that way. And it's because I realized there are people worse than I am. No, I'm not talking about politicians and criminals. I'm talking about people who are so full of themselves they're unable to see things from another's perspective. These are people who feel they're always right, they're always the best, they're always... (supply superlatives here). Odd thing is, they're not even close to good, much less the best. They do ridiculous things to irk you, to get you down to their level. Because that's what they are--low and ridiculous!

But I'm not letting these people get to me. No, no, no! I'm not giving them the satisfaction of seeing me dive down to the depths where they are. I will always remember who I am. I will remember that I am an accomplished person, that I compete only with my equals. I will remember that I have run in far more prestigious races--and won. I will remember that my parents brought me up to be a person of integrity. I will remember that, stripped of everything I own and have accomplished, I still have one thing that sets me apart from these people: character.

Buggy, snotty Thursday

I caught some kind of bug yesterday. I had difficulty breathing this morning. It was like that the whole day. But duty called so I just increased my fluid intake and ploughed along. I did go to the clinic and took one of those non-drowse cold meds, just to keep my nose from running a marathon.

Work's getting "seriouser and seriouser" (an allusion to Alice in Wonderland's "curiouser and curiouser"--get it?). Sometimes I think it's not fun anymore. Thankfully, my teammates are fun. Some of them at least. I like that they don't find my accent funny, or get annoyed when I shift languages in the middle of a conversation. EOP at work is slowly going out of fashion again, so I need to work on my Tagalog.

Speaking of fun, the only thing I'm happy about today is that I got to run. Despite my less than perfect state of health, I was able to do a 15-minute alternate walk and run. My running space was well-lighted this time, but I saw a couple of vehicles driving by. Then two joggers arrived just when we were about to leave. I sort of liked it better when it was dark.

My personal running space

I like running, but I don't enjoy inhaling exhaust fumes at the UP Oval. I also don't relish the thought of running alone inside a very public place like QC Circle. Bonifacio has beginner-friendly running routes, but I'd have to spend a lot of time on Edsa before I could get there for my weeknight runs.

Lucky for me, I found my very own personal running space! I was there tonight and I absolutely loved it. No cars, no bikers, no other joggers (except for that loner runner who came later and practiced on the inclines)--just space and me. Well, my sister Nina was there, but she was my running buddy, so technically we're one unit.

I did a number of laps around what looked like a helipad. It was just steady running; no looking around if I'd crash into another runner or get hit by a bike from behind. The only downside was, it wasn't very well lighted. Still, I don't mind running in relative darkness if there's nothing in my path that I could crash into. I also imagine the place would be hot during the day, like Bonifacio. But I never run before sundown so that wouldn't be a problem for me.

Where is this place? It's behind UP Diliman's Math Bldg., which is right across DOST's Advanced Science & Tech Institute along C.P. Garcia. They have some sort of helipad there with an elliptical road around it. That's the road where I ran tonight.

There's enough space for parking in the nearby buildings. Or you can leave your stuff under some corner bush. You would always know if there's someone looking for it. I left mine in Lala's office at the Institute of Biology.

I'm running there again on Thursday. I hope I could leave work early so it wouldn't be too dark when I start running. If I can't, then I'll just have to wear blinkers or glow-in-the-dark accessories.

Here's to exercise and endorphins!

Happy, buzzy night

The company I work for didn't hold a Christmas party because December was supposed to be the crunch month in the BPO industry. Instead it had an annual party last night at the Skydome of SM North in Quezon City.

Okay, this is the first company I worked for with over a thousand employees in one location. And outside my team of 18, I probably know only a dozen more people in this office. So my decision to go to the party wasn't without much hesitation. Half the team couldn't make it because they were invited to a former colleague's wedding that same day. The other half, except for one or two, were as reluctant as I was. It didn't help that the theme was 'party like a rock star' and the color motif was black and white. I don't have a problem with those, except this is 2010, not 2000. My black rocker shirts have long faded, and I have since expanded my musical taste beyond rock.

But to cut the long story short, I went. And I'm glad I did. The party turned out be fun. We were able to form a delegation of five to represent our team. In the first hour I was somewhat bored, but they served flowing beer so I played along. Then on my 5th beer or so, the party finally started getting fun!

The headliner bands were Sandwich and Kjwan, which didn't disappoint. Marasigan had aged; Abaya was, uhm, I dunno, never really knew him. There were other bands earlier but we weren't able to catch them because we were almost 3 hours late. There was a DJ that played music for the dance hour. I don't remember his name, but I know it was in the poster. By then I already had a happy buzz in my ear.

I left around midnight, but only after we took crazy pictures by that wall with the sponsor's name (there must be a name for this wall, I just don't know it at the moment). By the time I got home, the pictures were already posted on FB.

First weekend in Manila for 2010

It's a Saturday, and my first one in Manila for this year. Got here Tuesday morning and went straight to work. Already it seems like Iloilo was a long time ago. But this day last week I was still there, and it was also my brother Juan Pablo's 28th birthday. We went to this burger place in Jaro that served burgers as big as your face. The next day we went to Mari-it Wildlife Conservation Park in Lambunao, and the day after that to Miagao to have some of Hilltop's succulent talaba. Overall, it was a relaxing and fun week back home.

I didn't anymore get a chance to write logs here on those days, but here are some photos.

Huge burger from that place across Jaro Elementary School. Can't recall the name of the place, but I remember the nice mural on its side wall facing the street where we buy butterscotch.

The frontage of Mari-it Wildlife Conservation Park in Lambunao, Iloilo. Dr. Lucia Lastimoza and her volunteers have been able to successfully breed critically endangered hornbills in captivity. Among these is the Walden's Hornbill, a stunningly beautiful bird.

Seafood + Family Day

...equals perfect day!

We all went to Coastal Road in Dumangas today and had a late lunch of seafood galore. The place was called 'Siete Picados,' which is also the name of the group of islets that's visible from the resto. The food was good, as expected, although we've had better oysters in Miagao and at the Y2K carwash. The service was among the worst I've encountered, but everyone was feeling magnanimous that day we didn't make too much of it.

We then went to Fort San Pedro for a family pic, but the place turned out to be a disappointment. It was no longer the Fort San Pedro I remember from my childhood. Part of the promenade parking had caved in, I'm assuming because of Typhoon Frank. The statue of the Christ (I'm not too sure of the official name--I understand Catholics have different titles for different poses of the Christ), the one you could see from the boat when you leave or approach the Iloilo City pier, has been vandalized. Overall, the place looked shabby and dirty. I was told it's still a favorite spot for photogs wanting to catch the sunset, but we were too early today and it was too cloudy. I hope the Iloilo City government would do something about it. What a waste!

Espanola Family, New Year's Day, 2010

Fort San Pedro, Iloilo City

L-R: Lala, Eyay Dorit, Nina, Inday Cel, Pop, Pablo, Moi, Arnel

Seated: Mom